And They All Lived Happily Ever After

Eight months ago this week, my husband left.

After nearly twelve years of marriage, I never imagined I'd be where I am today...comforting my hurting children, and aching with the pain of an extremely broken heart. In that brokenness of sin and betrayal, I can tell you that nothing is what you expect it will be in such a situation. I have spent many months in prayer; seeking direction from the Lord, while picking up the pieces of our shattered lives. I prayed for, and believed there would be reconciliation, but there hasn't been. And in that I've come to understand scripture like never before!

If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
(Dan 3:17-18)

I am confident that God is in every detail of our lives and knows what I don't. There I find my rest and my peace. I grieve that anyone could go through this with out finding their hope and comfort in the one true God. Only there have I understood real love and forgiveness.

Let me make it very clear that Christ is my King and my husband is not (though I may have been guilty of letting him take on that role). It has been difficult for me to relinquish my ideas of happiness and my hopes and dreams that were placed in and with the mere man that I married. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father makes Himself known, surrounds me with His wings,

Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, (Psa 17:8)

lifts me from the pit of despair

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psa 103:2-5)

and calls me His heir!

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
(Rom 8:15-17)

Without Him, I would be condemned to being alone, lonely, and desperate.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." (Deu 31:6)

With Him I have life and hope.

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. (Psa 39:7)

Today my children and I will finish up our first study on the names of God. If you really, truly want to know who He is, you need look no further than His very names. Here is where you'll find me today: Clinging to El Elyon (God Most High--Gen 14:16-20). Crying out to Jehovah-rapha (The LORD heals--Exod 15:22-26). Singing out to Jehovah-saboath (The LORD delivers--I Sam 1:1-11). Knowing that He is my Jehovah-jireh (The LORD provides--Gen 22) and my Jehovah-shalom (The LORD is peace--Judges 6). And if you know me at all, you'll know that today and always He is my Jehovah-nissi (The LORD is my banner--Exod 17:8-16) and my Jehovah-raah (The LORD is my shepherd--Ps 23).

I'm ashamed, or maybe more amazed, to say that before this happened, I knew very few people who had gone through what my family is going through. I have been very sheltered by a family who has loved God and loved each other. Therefore, they have found unity in Christ and practiced faithfulness in ways that give new meaning to long-suffering. But as I've journeyed this quite different road, I've met with many of the "widows and orphans" of the 21st century: Families destroyed by unfaithfulness and selfishness. I've seen the destructiveness of sin up close and way too personally. I've experienced a pain like no other--the pain of my own sin and the pain thrust upon me by my husband--and met some of the most amazing over-comers in the form of Godly women abandoned by men, but embraced by the Father.

In case you are wondering, Satan is alive and evil and attacking the hearts of those who fill their lives with themselves. In this age of attack on marriage, Satan is having a hey-day. Some recognize him more easily than others. Some are gently swayed by the Father of Lies who appears as an angel of light. He is called the Father of Lies because lies hold a power that is unmatched in warping, twisting, and purging the human heart of any need for, or love of the things of God. Self becomes exalted to the throne of glory and our Father in Heaven is ignored. No longer is His Sovereignty recognized. No longer is it "His will be done", but "My will be done".

And there in lies the rub. As my Heavenly Father, I cry out to Him. I cling to Him. I crawl up in His lap and He absorbs my every tear. He is who I want to be like. He is whom I rely on. He is always there. He never fails me.

As you can imagine, I could go on and on as my heart pours forth from this morning of worship. My hearts weeps over the sin that so easily entangles. Thankfully, my story doesn't end there. It is a story of hope and endurance. And glory. God's glory.

but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isa 40:31)

It's been a very hard year, and it's not through yet. Each day brings new grief and new strength also. Each hour I am faced with life without the person that I am supposed to be "one" with. Each minute I'm confronted with a divorce that I don't want. Some tell me it gets better; some say it'll get worse. Is it no wonder that our sin grieves the Lord?! I look into the eyes of my beautiful children and wipe away their tears. I hold them after the bad dreams. Soothe their tummy aches, their head aches, and their aching hearts--things no child should have to endure--and I tell them about Jehovah-rapha who promises to turn the bitter into sweet (Exodus 15:23-26). I assure them that what Satan, and sinful man, means for evil, God means for good. What can mere man do to us? I remind them constantly that they are not alone: God is with us.

I get it now. The firm foundation; the verses about shifting sand and not being shaken. The truth about standing on the rock.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. (Psa 40:1-2)

Where else would I rather be? Is there any better place than firmly in the grip of my Savior? I know there is not. God continues the work He began in me and I know that He will not allow His glory to be set aside.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Php 1:6)

I praise Him for who He is! I praise Him because He is El Roi--the God who sees (Gen 16)--and that He knows all that I don't; every bit of my life that He asks me to trust Him with.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Pro 3:5-6)

I'm so thankful for the fellowship of believers who have surrounded us in love, prayer, comfort and understanding.

Please. If you know someone who is going through this, or has gone through this, I entreat you to go love them. Love them with your presence, your time, your kindness. Assure them of the Father's love and faithfulness. Please let them know that God never leaves us or forsakes us when we put our hope and trust in Him.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph 4:1-3)

And pray. Pray for your husbands, your friends' marriages, your relationships with God. Pray that He alone will have the glory in your life. Fear what He thinks of you, more than what others might think of you, including your husband. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (Deu 6:5)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, (Heb 12:1)

One of the first passages that God brought to my attention when this journey began, was this one about Peter keeping his eyes on Jesus:

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Mat 14:27-33)

I want to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Him in the midst of this turmoil. It's not always easy, but that is my plea. The children and I have chosen this Mark Schultz song, "He Is" for our prayer:

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me

Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

by Mark Schultz