When Mama Ain't Happy...

Our first month of school was great this year. Excitement, order...nice weather. Everything ordered up in such a way to provide maximum learning. Yet, as the shine began to dull on our new year, the clock ticked faster, the storm clouds came closer and joy was lost to pressure. I ruminated for a couple more months; making a change here, or there. Trying this...or that. Staring at the piles of curriculum and planning notebooks which left a choke-hold on my heart.

Not one good attempt went un-punished. They all seemed to make matters worse. It was then, in the midst of more crisis, that God made it pretty clear He had a few things to teach this 'ole gal. And, being Sovereign (over ALL) He decided to teach me a WHOLE bunch of things ALL at once. To some people, the urge to run stark naked down the street, with hair afire, might be a consideration at such times. But my Father knows me and He had other plans.

Isa 64:8 But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

The molding...the refining...not so fun. However, the things of God ARE. So. I began to listen and as I did, God began to change my heart about many things. One of them was what our homeschooling should look like. The information; the ideas, were not new. As a matter of fact, it was more my focus that was off. That, and my memory. Memory plays tricks on us. Maybe that is why we so often repeat our past mistakes. My memory was telling me that we had "moved on" from things we had enjoyed because boy is older and thus "no longer interested" or worse yet, "there is no longer TIME."

Compromise. One after the other. Result: No. Joy.

Alright. So, what am I really talking about? I read this post over at Sprittibee and after a couple of emails, I began doing some reading. Interestingly enough, I'd already read some of the material before, but it fell on deaf ears and a hardened heart. Have I now decided that Charlotte Mason is the end all, beat all? Not to the exclusion of ALL else. But, I get it now! I really do.

I had but to begin reading about CM, then discussing it with hubby (often in front of the kids) and an incredible transformation began to take place. It would take many paragraphs to tell you all the little things that began happening. God's little miracles of hope. Little ears perked up and the conversations were amazing!

Wasn't it just about two weeks ago that we were spending 3-4 HOURS daily on math? The math that had required us to drop all other subjects but spelling. The math that left us with depression, sorrow, anger and restless dawdling. The instigator of "I HATE SCHOOL!" Wasn't it that same two weeks ago that I yelled at my boy for sketching a picture while looking out the window? Wasn't it me who told him, "but the sketchbook away and DO. YOUR. MATH!"

That was me. Shame. On. Me. And it's happened more than once.

Let me make this clear: Math is not the problem. Habit is. That's changing already and a subject for another post, but let me just say new habits are easy; breaking old ones is TOUGH!

I felt as though I single-handedly destroyed all love of learning or joy in any subject. I began to see the deterioration of my relationship with my son and the corruption of attitudes in all of us. In other words, Sat*an was having a hay day.

So you're about to hear more about this journey back to joy. What it's not about is perfection, or smooth sailing. It's not about some new shiny model (or method). It's hopefully about the things of God; our unique family, and what God desires for us to do with our time together.

There is a lot to tell! Stay tuned!