More Thoughts on Attentiveness

I suppose I'm out of blogging practice because it only took me five minutes after hitting the "publish" button before I realized that I had quite a bit more to say on the subject of attentiveness. 

Things began to come to a head about a week ago with behaviors and attitudes being a bit sparky. Since my family has been through the ringer, we've come to appreciate a bit of grace, but this ole Mama was starting to feel a little beat up by her own kids.  At first I excused their behavior, but then I realized something needed to change and this was not a "just a bad day" situation. Bad attitudes had become bad habits and were proving to be very, very contagious.  Beginning to feel a bit heated about how quickly behaviors had deteriorated, I called for help.  For some reason the Proverbs always come first to mind when thinking about behavior, and this time was no different, but as I read I was continually reminded of what I've learned about habit from Charlotte Mason.

I pulled a few of my favorite resources off the shelf and re-perused:  "Laying Down the Rails", "Habit Revisited", and "Smooth and Easy Days".  It wasn't till I got through "Habit Revisited" again that I finally understood that teaching habit was more about laying a solid foundation that includes teaching the habits of obedience and attentiveness first and foremost. 

So that was my jumping off place.  Teaching any habit will never be easy, but I can see, and am thankful for how God lays the groundwork for these times of sanctification, for that is truly what they are! He has helped prepare us all for learning these things.  It's hard not to rejoice!

The Habit of Attentiveness

We have a little problem at our house.  The problem is deeply rooted and is second only to disobedience.  It's Inattentiveness.  In reviewing some of my Charlotte Mason materials on habit, I realize I've failed in teaching the habit of Attentiveness to my little beloved children.  So with new determination and encouragement, I hit the shelves.
 
At this year's homeschool convention, I purchased a couple of booklets from the Character Sketch series by the Institute for Basic Life Principles. I had never used these before, but had heard good things and my 6yo LOVES anything having to do with animals, so I believed the correlations to the animal kingdom would be interesting to her.

We began this week with the book on Attentiveness and it is fabulous!  I am thrilled with what we've discussed so far and how foundational it is in teaching.  Jesus is the ultimate example, God's design is clearly celebrated, and the personal application is deeply rooted in God's Word and in building Godly habits and traits that will help us all grow in our personal relationships with Him.

In just a few short days, both my 6yo and 10yo have a understanding and personal desire to have their own quiet times each day.  My 6yo cried as she expressed her anxiety over not quite being able to read God's Word for herself.  When we talked of all the scriptures that she has already memorized and how God would love for her to meditate on them for herself, she was overjoyed! 

My 10yo son expressed his own frustration with not knowing where to read.  I shared with him, what had been shared with me when I felt the same way:  know the date and read the chapter that goes with the date!  Start with Proverbs, or any other book of the Bible!  Well, he loved having the "hard decision" removed from his thoughts and ran for the door, Bible in hand, to the top of the play set, for his QT.


We decided on QT's before they rise from bed each day.  We'll try that and see.  I'm just so thrilled that they are excited and eager to spend time with the Lord!  There's much more to learn, for all of us.  I'm pretty sure there will be more to share!

Wake Up Call

I am not a morning person, and neither are my children. We have gotten into a bad habit of taking our time to get up. As happens with most parent-induced habits, this Mama began to see the error of her ways, and changed her habit. I began getting up and was eager to start the mornings, however... My children didn't seem to get the same memo and were not cooperating with my new-found "glory in the morning". As a result, my husband heard this every morning:

"Time to get up!"
"Children! Get up!"
"Are you up?"
"Get up!!"
"I TOLD YOU TO GET UP!"
"WHY AREN'T YOU UP?!"

Etc., Etc. It wasn't pretty and Charlotte my husband was certain it was my fault. Imagine that! After reaching his limit, he laid down the law: I may awaken them ONE time, and ONE time only. I set a timer for one hour and I wait. They have that one hour to get up, dress, do morning chores, and eat. If that timer goes off and they aren't done eating, I'm to take their food and they get nothing else to eat or drink (except water) until lunch.

Well, you can imagine their little brains, can't you? They didn't believe it. Oh, they played along for a few days, but yesterday--on a Monday, no less--it was time for the Mama to be tested. We knew it was coming and husband grinned at me as he walked out the door with no hope that the children would make it in time.

First daughter came scurrying down to eat, only to be sent back up to complete her chores. Then son raced down the stairs with less than a minute to go. One bite of oatmeal and the timer went off. I picked up both bowls and began rinsing them in the sink. The mayhem insued. "You don't care if we starve!" "You don't love us!" "IT"S NOT FAIR!!" I called their dad and they each got on the phone with him. All I could imagine was that my day was just ruined and that I may just get pushed beyond my limits with the attitudes. Daddy saved the day and held both children in check and you'll never guess?

What has been proven over and over? That children need and even crave boundaries. They need rules and order and they respond to them.

So we had a very profitable day! Everyone buckled down and we had a wonderful lesson time. We only had a couple of murmers of hunger, then lunch brought relief. I decided to show my children the benefits of good attitudes and took them to the budget movie to see "The Tale of Desperaux." Great movie (You were right, Angel!).

This morning, there was leaping from all beds and a quickening of the feet! Breakfast was appreciatively eaten and our day of lessons has commenced. Think they got the message? It was a hard one even for this Mama to learn, but I'm relieved that my husband saw clearly the need for me to be uhhhh....put out of my misery! :)

Cooties

There is nothing quite like the NOT warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you discover your child has an extremely contagious infection WHILE you are visiting friends for a play date! Oh yes! The green slime that began pouring down my daughter's face is Conjunctivitis--more commonly referred to as Pink Eye. And no. Her eye was not pink. But it was itchy. Oh the green! Not a pretty color!

It always helps to have a great pediatrician. The nurse on the phone did not hesitate in letting me know what was occuring and that they would NOT require her presence in their office--full of small children and new borns. Did I mention it's extrememely contagious?! Yeah.

So antibiotic drops last night and she is much better this morning though her eye is still nearly swollen shut.

This was a first for us. She wanted to know how she got it.... Dirty hands all over her face, up her nose, in her eyes, in her ears, etc., etc., etc. My sweet friend who was hosting us played the "oh well" card. So brave!

Germs stink.

About Those Headphones

I don't like headphones.

Not too long ago, I began to notice, more often, young children wearing headphones. Interestingly, the first time I began to think about this was at the homeschool convention. I was taking a break and sat with a friend. Across from me was a family hanging out together. Three of their large brood were lined up against the wall, each with their own ipod and headphones on. They were staring like zombies and as a result were not interacting with their family. While the parents chatted with the other children and played while they were hanging out for their break, the three sets of headphones barely moved. Their eyes were literally glazed over!

Now, granted that was my own interpretation and they could very well have been listening to lessons after having their own time with their parents. It just got me thinking. We got our own family ipod not too long ago and we use an ipod player/boom box. Rarely do we use the earphones. But, son has begun to want to use them. And, he wants to use them when we are all together in the room, meal times, in the car, etc.

I may be paranoid, or overly leary, but warning bells seem to be going off in my head. Headphones, to me, are like whispering. They harbor the ability for secrets. But, more than that even, they separate a member from it's family. Isolation. The headphone wearer cannot hear you, so therefore cannot speak to you. They can't interact with you, or share with you. It's as if they have left the premises--checked out. I'm not having too many warm and fuzzy feeling about headphones!

I know from my own experience, that people put on headphones in public (ie: library, airplanes, etc.) when they don't want to be talked to. They send a message with those headphones--"Leave me alone." I don't want to leave my children alone. I want to know what they are doing and want them to want me to know what they are doing. I think that is called parenting?!

I know that they can be a useful tool. But like all good tools, you need to know how and when to use them. That is what we are teaching our children. That, will then be a habit worthy of them.

The Secret to Homeschooling Freedom

I recently downloaded an article from Homeschool Freebie of the Day (you can still get the article here) entitled, "The Secret to Homeschooling Freedom" by Joanne Calderwood. It's subtitled, "How the self-teaching method can revolutionize your homeschool!" We've all heard of self-teaching, as homeschoolers, and I'm sure we all have varying degrees of understanding as to what it truly means. I remember early in my homeschooling days, being told indefatigably, that all homeschooled children would be teaching themselves by fourth grade! Like it just automatically happened as a result of homeschooling! No planning for it by laying the proper foundation. No practicing it with an eye toward any "goal". And no specific direction for reaching that point. Personally, we've used "on-your-own" time, and I confess to sometimes acting as though it was my vacation! Subsequently, those times were sporadic and admittedly neglectful.

I have to say, I'm beginning to understand more correctly, the need, motivation, and results that may come from having children self-learn. Sure, there are extra benefits of more time for mom to get that laundry done and bake bread, or more importantly, be with younger siblings, but what are we really talking about? Instead of the issue being all about "me", suddenly I'm seeing a different picture. One of excellence and purpose. This way of thinking and doing fits perfectly with our foundation of Biblical Principle Approach (The Principle of Self-Governing) as well as our desire to instill habit (good habits!) as a way of life.

Shame on me for never considering that my now fourth grader would need training to study. Or even learn the purpose of record-keeping. Shame on me for setting goals for my children and never letting them in on 'em. Shame on me for doing more for him than I should and thus, not allowing him to do all he could for himself!

As I consider the ideas put forth in the article, I realize that, like any good revelation, the thought process can be defining. I honestly feel as if God has given us a gift of revelation! After I absorbed the information from the article and prayed it through, I sat down with son and told him what I was seeing. He didn't bat an eye, but rather considered it as the next logical step in his "growing up". So, game on!

I'm now working on his own record-keeping pages for his notebook, then I'll be transferring some of my planning sheets for the next quarter over to him to use for his daily work. We'll take a step-by-step approach at first, with him beginning by checking off and owning each task. Then, he'll record his daily efforts. Lastly, he'll plan for his own days. I'm not certain how much time will be between these efforts. We'll take it a week at a time and see. We will also still do a few subjects together: Bible, History read-alouds, and Math. Also possibly Science (Exploring Creation With Botany) as daughter has listened in on our lessons and has picked up quite a bit that she is obviously interested in!

I believe son will truly blossom (do son's blossom?) with this thinking. I'm also encouraged that it will allow our time together to be less taskmaster driven and more Mommy driven, as this has bothered us all from time to time! I'm sure it won't hurt daughter, either!

Now daughter, who just turned "the mighty FIVE", will also begin her training by checking off each subject she accomplishes each day. That will be her job.

If you can't tell, I'm really excited about this next step in our homeschooling journey. God always provides a way, the resources, and the grace and mercy we need to live each day. It doesn't get much better than that!

Project Up

We are soon to finish our third week of school and I've been feeling a bit restless. For someone who is very project-driven, to have months of school planning take off means I've got a clean "project" slate. This could be bad!

There is always the usual tweaking to be done with our school lessons, but I'm beginning to smell the winter craft bug. Images of crocheting, scrapbooking, baking, and rug making are filling my head. This is not a good thing! I have too much day-to-day homekeeping that I haven't mastered.

My typical reaction is shut-down mode. This is where, instead of continuing to be productive while I contemplate the future, I shut down. Zone out. Vegg. In other words, be worthless. Of course, it hasn't helped that the husband is business tripping it on the other side of the continent (more on that later). My vision isn't necessarily blurry; just my reality!

Those who know me well might tell you that I'm an all or nothing type. That would be fairly accurate. If I can't do it all, I do nothing--at least for as long as it takes me to get a grip. I'm getting a grip right now, by the way. So I start out daydreaming and end up cleaning like a tornado. Then I project plan to my heart's content! "I wanna..., I wanna..., I wanna..." is my mantra. I wanna make beautiful things. I wanna bake incredible goodies. I wanna have time for tea.

I think about my extremely creative and industrious grandmother and I sigh. I love all the things she loved, and I so wish she had lived past my eleventh year. My, oh my.

By tomorrow night, I'll know whether or not I'm truly out of my ever-lovin' mind. That's when the hubby returns...And hopefully I'll have the perfect project plan, up and running. Until then, the grip-getting continues...the tornado cleaning begins!

Why is that scrapbook table looking at me like that?

Updating Our Bible Time

I've put myself through the ringer about our Bible time. The first week of lessons, it became clear something had to change. To say I was dissatisfied about covers it. I love our "Judah Bible Curriculum", specifically the scope and sequence. However, what we have done the past two years (routinely) was not coming together with daughter now in the mix.

Some things have been greatly on my heart as of late: having son develop his own time of study, devotion and prayer, leading towards his own quiet times and his growing in his relationship with the Lord, and continuing to teach more directly character and habit. I've also not felt right about having separate Bible times for the kids. As I debated possibly replacing what we did last year with something else, a friend spoke wise words which set me free: "Don't be a slave to anything! Especially curriculum." Amen, Sister!

So, I determined that my newly directed focus (hopefully from the Lord!) would indeed provide son, and daughter, with the things on my heart. Here is our revised plan:

Monday
Read: "Child's Story Bible"--absolutely fabulous, by the way!
Narrate: daughter first/then son
Daughter: Coloring page
Discuss: story (background)
Read: "Our Young Folk's Josephus: (for historic context--here, or 1st thing Tuesday.)

Tuesday
Read: Bible passage
Narrate
Daughter: Coloring page (cont'.)
Write: Memory verse (to card)
Daughter: Trace/copy memory verse
List: Key words from passage

Wednesday
Review: Passage & history
Discuss: Character of Christ, as it relates to passage. (Biblical Principle/Theme for year)
Action: Pray memory verse (or passage)
Write: Prayer (Prayer Journal)

Thursday
Review: Books of the Bible & Habit ("Laying Down Rails") goals (review/accountability)
Habit: Focus on selected habit/Set goals
Learn: Quite Time/Bible Study (Choose one method--or aspect of method--to apply to passage.)

Friday
Overflow day. We do limit our time per day, for the sake of all so don't always get everything done!

Just Routine?

I was thinking about another chore routine the other day, when it hit me. The more diligent I become in caring for my family and our home, the less need there is for a system. Diligence, in this instance, has come to mean doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. And when there is time.

Over the years I've struggled with establishing a daily, weekly, seasonal way of "doing". I'm organized by nature, so this seemed a natural extension of that. Then I would become so frustrated with the inability to keep up. Especially in light of the many disruptions of life. I was always trying to overcome, and always falling short.

But, as I was having my moment of inspiration, I realized that everything does get done! If it's summer time and the trash cans need cleaned, it gets done. It doesn't need to be planned for the 4th Thursday of June each year! I look in the bottom of a can, say "ewww gross!" and send the boy out to the hose with that can and all the rest of them.

Whether or not my eyes are focused on keeping our home, and keeping the family well, is up to me. No plan can establish that for me. It has more to do with my desire to serve my family and be in obedience to the Lord.

At the same time, routine can be key. But habit can be better. Following a step by step procedure can be great, but I'd much rather spend my time in the kitchen in habit, rather than work. I'd rather our morning be full of the habit of "helps", rather than the drudgery of a list of chores. There is most definitely a fine line. I think I've found that line in my heart relationship to all that I do. As I've accepted and claimed my position as help meet to my husband, child of the King, and even mother to my babies, I've come to a place of peace in the doing. Where the blessings come from God rather than a completed check list. Thankfulness is key.

I was walking through Target yesterday, taking my little one to the bathroom (and we all know how fun it is to run from one side of the store to the other with a full cart, a ton more to do, and a child yelling she needs to potty!). We were moving quickly and all of the sudden I had an internal glimmer of what the look on my face must be at that moment. My heart became thankful as I realized she hadn't had an accident, she'd done what she was supposed to do--tell me. We had a cart of full of yummy fruit and things we needed (and even a fun new croquet set) that we could pay for. It was a beautiful day. We were together. No body was fighting (that came later at the grocery **grin**). Was there any reason to be glum? Just because of an interruption? Just because things didn't go MY way?

Ahhhh. Thankfulness! The habit that affects EVERYTHING! So while routine is peachy, habit is better. So here's a hardy farewell to all cleaning management "systems". May they never cause me strife again! Not to say that there is nothing good to glean from them. Not to imply that list making is bad. They, too, can be a useful habit. It's the slavery to them that changes the focus. May we learn good habits instead, and implement them. May thankfulness be the order of the day.

"O Lord, that lends me life,

Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness."

William Shakespeare

Mulling The Life

There are so many things I'm mulling over at the moment...

• What to feed my family during the summer months.
• What NOT to feed my family during the summer months.
• The continuing process of planning for fall lessons.
• The excitement of summer and a more relaxed schedule.
• Being less busy and more able to spend fun time with family and friends.
• Reading more.
• Getting off sugar again.
• Finishing my flower beds.
• Being a better help meet.
• Etcetera. Etcetera.

The thing that constantly amazes me is how busy we are. We don't do a lot of sports teams or lessons. We are not shoppers. We don't just "go" for the sake of "going". We invented the Staycation! We are just busy. The days and weeks fly by and I can't catch them. I would like things to slow down a bit. There is always a thousand things to do. There are always frustrations regarding the undone 999. I long to be still. Tranquility seems elusive, yet I know exactly where it is.

Why don't I go there? Why won't I rest in the Master's hands? How we must grieve our Heavenly Father with our attention to the details of life and our lack of attention to the details of The Life.

Father, hear my prayers!

Books: Using Your Resources

If you've known me for very long, then you know I'm not only a Bibliophile, but a picky one at that. Once I discovered real living books, due in large part to homeschooling, Truthquest, Jan Bloom and Gladys Hunt, the rest, as they say, was history.

Bibliophile: noun
a person who loves or collects books, esp. as examples of fine or unusual printing, binding, or the like.

I've collected a blue-million books--all of the highest caliber--most having been published prior to 1965 (when the Bible was banned from public schools, and the re-writing of history began). As my personal library has grown, so have we...encountering the most incredible of literary adventures, characters, and historical truth and fancy.

Like many decisions that homeschoolers face, the idea of using the resources we have, in this case books, usually arrives on the scene. For many, it will arrive too late. To avoid that happening, there are a few things to consider regarding the best use of these treasures. With some thought and planning, you can change your focus, save money, and get a maximum impact for your efforts. If you have shelves of books and no strategy to read them, they are as dust in the wind. And dusty, too!

We are all too aware that there are only so many hours in the day--so many days in the year, so many years in childhood.
A reading plan for the long haul, is a great idea.

You might say, at this point, that your family are big readers so you don't consider having a reading plan a necessity, yet as the children grow and more and more demands are being made upon your time, reading aloud, library visits, choosing good books, may all slip by the wayside.

Now, this is in no way about guilt, or regret, but about opportunity! As we've overcome previous planning bungles, I more clearly understand the value of a more thoughtful course of action. I suppose one of the first things that can bring us to this point, is the passing of picture books. Suddenly our little readers, move to paragraphs, chapter books, larger books, etc. Not to return to former "glories", as you will. You find yourself going through your picture books; purging, packing away, remembering, or having no memory of a certain book at all! It's the same for all levels of reading.

How you organize your books will be the one thing that has the greatest impact on your reading. Most families have shelves in every room. Many times this is out of necessity, for many it's habit or even tradition. Every child should have books in their room, for example. That is a long held tradition. If that is important to you, then you need to consider that in your planning.

First, you must have a list of every book you own and it's author. If you are spread-sheet crazy, you could include genre, year of publication, and reading level. Having a list will help you lesson-plan, choose wisely, buy more strategically, etc. Library Thing is another choice. They limit the number of books you can put on a list. You can either buy a subscription, or make multiple lists.

Books that are specifically for school subjects need to be separated by those subjects and arranged in order of their use. If you study science based on a chronological creation sequence, astronomy books will probably be first. We study history chronologically, so our history books are in that order. Books don't get missed, or forgotten. They are only passed up if age-appropriateness is a factor and since we will cover all of history twice before graduation, we'll be revisiting the same shelves.

It is important to include biographies in these sections, as well. If you have a biography of a scientist, put it where and when you will study it. If you're more likely cover it in history, than science, put it with the history books. This is also where a list can help because you can't have a book in two places at once!

Another good example of books to place in chronological order would be missionary stories and biographies. Then you are more apt to read them at the place in history where they had their impact.

One of the biggest hurdles for me was collections; book sets. I began collecting Landmark books and had them in a beautiful row on the shelf. They weren't with the history books, so guess what quickly became apparent? They were being forgotten. Getting them moved to our history shelves was necessary (and still ongoing at my house!).

Include historical fiction in your history shelves. This category can have a rather large spectrum: picture books on up. While most people would separate their historical fiction, since we "teach" with ours, it's more helpful to have it at our fingertips.

So what about the rest of your fiction? My shelves bear the same range in book types and reading abilities as most. I always kept them in alphabetical order by title, but that only showed benefit when listing them or trying to find an elusive volume for history (before I changed my system of order!). One of the whole points of this post is this: Keep your fiction books in order of reading age!

If you really want certain books to be read before "it's too late", then they have to be in the "next" section: that section that your child looks to next for their book choices.

Here's where the long term plan comes into play. With your books in this order, as a child grows in their ability and taste, they move from section to section, without missing that gem of a book that was at one time too difficult for them, but is now just right!

This thought does take a bit of maintaining. You don't want books put away in the wrong section. You may never find them! But if you have a system easily available to your family, you'll be pleased with the results. We use a basket that the kids put their books in so that I can put them where I want them. This habit has helped to show them order and reason.

Now that you have your books in a usable order, how do you actually go about reading them? The obvious answer--the strategy-- would be to set aside time and times for reading! I know that is not always the easiest thing though. Here is where I learned to make some of those excellent choices that come with being a homeschooler! Have your children (and yourself) acquire the habit of always having a book with you in the car. Exactly how many hours a week are we in the car?!!

Do you read? Do you read for yourself? Most do to some degree, but this is also a great habit. One which your children see and emulate. Monkey see, monkey do. Let them see you reading the Bible daily, they'll want to read their Bibles. Let them see you reading other great books, and they, too, will want to read really great books.

And reading aloud! If you haven't begun reading aloud, it's never too late to start. You will never regret it! Here is a great resource for inspiration, as well as the books I listed at the start. We began a more regular read-aloud time with Lamplighter books! Wow! They have created a passion within us, for reading together! Then, consider having your read-alouds with you where ever you go. Carry them around the house with you; in the car, etc. You never know when you will have ten minutes on the way to friends to read aloud (that is, if the husband is driving!) or a few minutes of play break gathered together in the yard!

And since we are talking about habit, develop the habit of giving. Give your individual children time to read each day. What a fabulous gift! Thirty minutes out of their day will not kill anyone or deprive them of play. They will come to love that time of quiet adventure. It is also a more adequate rest than say...none!

If you are choosing the very best of books for your children (a whole other post!) then it will not take much to have them chomping at the bit to read more!

Let's fact it! We take books with us. We carry the really good ones in our hearts and minds; remembering what great stories were told and the joy of meeting each hero and heroine. I distinctly remember the first time I read the "Chronicles of Narnia" at age 10. It was the start of my great love for books. My husband, on the other hand, has rarely read a book (besides his Bible) in his life! That seems so tragic to me. Missed opportunities? I don't really know, but now, even he enjoys our read alouds!

Get those books in order and read! What are you waiting for?

Habit vs Work

"Susannah Wesley was the mother of 19 children, including John and Charles Wesley. Through much adversity, she dedicated her life to instilling a sense of Christian Destiny into each of her children. Her children went on to change the world."

Here are 16 rules she laid down in her home.

1. Eating between meals not allowed.
2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.
3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.
4. Subdue self- will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child's soul.
5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
11. Comment and reward good behavior.
12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.
13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.
14. Strictly observe all promises.
15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
16. Teach children to fear the rod.

These all seem pretty reasonable to me, but one, I admit, threw me a bit. Number 15! "Require no daughter to work before she can read well." I found this very interesting. I have to wonder a couple of things: Exactly when did she teach her daughters to read, and exactly what did she consider "work". My own four year old daughter is busily learning her phonics and writing skills and doing quite well at it. She loves her Five in a Row, when we do it, and she loves books. Period. I'm sure she's on her way to reading, but I'm not sure I can name the date for liftoff.

However, she also does what I consider "work". She makes her bed. She picks up her own messes. She helps dust and put away dishes (silver & plastics). She puts away her laundry. Would Susannah Wesley consider these things work? Or habit? Do we forget that good habit is often about stewardship and "work" may be more of things we'd hire out if we were filthy stinkin' rich? Like milking cows...if we had cows. Or sewing clothes, instead of buying them?

Sometimes I feel guilty for making my kids do their "helps"--what we call chores--when they have an opportunity to play. Especially if it's a beautiful day, or with a dear friend. Yet I realize I'm not helping them to develop the habit of order, responsibility, etc., if I allow them to shirk these "duties" to self in order to run in the sun.

Today, for example, I let them go out to play. I knew I wouldn't call them back till almost dinner time and figured I'd have a fight on my hands to get them back into "take care of your business" mode. Fortunately, they were both so appreciative of the time out that they acquiesced quite easily and finished their helps. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and figured that once again we should talk about how if no huge mess is made and left, there is no huge mess to fix. I believe they are starting to understand.

So now I'm working on rule #2--"As children they are to be in bed by 8pm." I'm pretty sure Wesley's children must've "grown up" around the age of 7! (At least according to my 8 year old whom I can't seem to convince he's tired until 9pm). Then again, there's that dratted daylight savings thing that has us all messed up! What time is it really anyway??

So...a very thought provoking list. What's your take on it?

Study Habits

We're suffering from a terrible condition: poor study habits. And it's starting to cause big problems and lots of anguish. I know that this is about bad habits that I have allowed and good habits that I haven't taught.

It's time to refocus on the habits we need to instill. The goals are pretty clear. I want son to be able to complete his work within a certain amount of time. I want him to be able to do this without complaining and without an attitude of "hating" school. Nothing like lofty goals!

One of the biggest causes of our strife has been distractions. Today, for instance, his sister is very sick in bed and was watching a movie. He wanted to watch to. I said no, but he positioned himself where he could "hear" and "peek". My fault. Then when I finally did move him and instructed him not to get up till it was done, I didn't follow through with a consequence when he did get up...several times. I'm not that great with consequences, especially when I DO see effort.

I watched him do practice problems for math and this is what I observed: He would put his pencil down a lot. Look around the room. Look out the window. Tip his chair back and forth. Start conversations. Join conversations. Need to go to the bathroom. Need a drink. Ask questions. Etc. At no time did he bend over his work in concentration, pencil in hand, determined to complete the work quickly and correctly.

Now, he is a boy...and wiggly, but this is actually not typical of him--except for "on his own" work time. Of course, one solution would be not to HAVE "on his own" work time, but I believe that would be counter-productive. He understands about self-governing, but something is not connecting for him. It could just be his concept of time; it's value. It could just be stressing him out when he's given more than one thing at a time to do.

I promised him today, after many tears, that this was not something that was "wrong with him"; and that it's more about me not helping him in the right way, to be able to do what he needs to do. I told him we would come up with a plan together. So that's what I'm praying for. A plan.

First off, removing distractions is a priority. And I'm going to establish places and work conditions that are unbending. Consequences will include losing privileges that come from having spare time. Times will be established to do certain things, and they will be strict. If work is not completed in that time, the consequences will again kick in. And the thing that will make this a good habit is consistency. Everyday. Without fail.

For my part, I'm going to be much more particular about what is assigned and it's value. I'll be sure and certain that he is given everything he needs to complete the work without feeling stressed by it. I hope. I want him to have the freedom to ask for help when frustrated, or even better yet, before he's frustrated! I want him to have a sense of accomplishment, and I want him to gain an understanding of his own progress as he makes it.

I know that as we begin to make good habits our own, the bad ones will slip away. No more working on a math page for 3 hours. No more of me asking, in my own frustration (and sin) "Aren't you done with that yet?!" Total replacement theory!

This should give us a good start in the right direction.

Master Bedroom Round Up

Laura, over at Organized Junkie is "Rounding Up" the Master Bedroom this month. I love these round ups because it has helped me focus on a certain area and with an end in sight. It also has helped me by choosing, for me, which area to work on!

We have a large bedroom; more of a master suite. I've done little things over the three years we've lived here, but there is still much to do. There are three things, essentially, that I'll be working on. One--moving my computer and and homeschool work OUT of the room to an as-yet-undetermined location. Two--hang the blinds that have been leaning in the corner for six months. Three--do SOMETHING about a head board for our bed. I think I may finally have a plan for that.

My goals for the room are to make it a nest; a retreat--comfortable, inviting, and romantic for this 'ole married couple! It is the only place in the house where I read, so my personal books to read are here. Husband's magazines should be here for the same reason. My current computer nook will now be solely for Quiet time and reading.

Because we spend our evenings here, I wouldn't mind having a little handiwork present like my crochet basket, or needlework. Lap work type of things. Husband also works on his computer in here in the evenings, but that's his decision whether or not to change it. I enjoy that he works in here with me. Sometimes we'll watch a movie together, but we don't have TV so that isn't an issue.

I want the room to be beautiful, smell good (candles!), totally lack clutter (including clothes piles). I do NOT want it to be a playroom, office, or laundry mat. I want to WANT to be here, and not HAVE to be because work is eminent. I would like music, but we just invested in an IPod system that is set up in our main living area. We'd have to move it all the time.

I definitely need a place for everything (and everything in it's place!). Color is something to consider. Our walls are all cream color. I've thought about accent color, but haven't decided. This is our favorite room to fill with pictures of our kids, so I'll probably update those a bit.

We invested in a Sleep Number bed a few years back, but it has no head or foot board. This bugs the tar out of me. We've looked for years, but have never found exactly what we want. In the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living, she had a picture of a headboard made from a quilt, hung on a curtain rod as the head board. I like it! It has flexible appeal and possibilities. And it's cheaper.

Habits. Oh boy! As I've worked on habits with the children, I've noticed a few of my own that could use some help. Making the bed. This is not something I was ever encouraged to do and though I do it MOST of the time, I don't do it ALL the time and I don't always do it RIGHT. By right, I mean beautifully; decorative pillows in place, all comfy and fluffed, with the sheets out of sight.

Another habit is piles. I greatly dislike piles and *I* am the biggest pile maker of the bunch. The floor by my side of the bed is a joke! Piles of books, papers. Wanna shock? My bedside table currently has water bottles (2), a glass, a cup (that is daughters and she is currently using as she lays in my bed with a fever) 3 pencils, 2 pens, lip balm, ear plugs, baby's medicine, song sheet from church, a timer (I have NO idea!) a back massager, a jar candle, a wash cloth (huh?), my memory verse file box, a basket with books, magazines, mail and ear phones, tags from my plants (which I took out of my pocket last night), a coaster (that neither glass is on), hair pins and ponytail holder, more ear plugs and body butter--oh, and a bottle BioFreeze plus a medicine measure. And dust. We can't forget the dust! And hello! Let's not forget the clock, lamp and controller to the bed. Whew! There are also FOUR drawers in the stand--full of junk. So a little change in behavior may be in order!

It's just too humiliating to post before pictures, so I will commit to "after" pictures by the end of the month.

"Rail" Laying

I've written a couple of times (like here) about one of my favorite resources of all time: "Laying Down Rails" from Simply Charlotte Mason. This compilation of all things "Charlotte" put about in a manner which is both practical and inspiring, takes me to a very happy place when it comes to rearing children. It's focus on habit and character has been a pivotal spot for me.

All that to say that it's really good stuff and I, for one, drink it in. My only *sigh* is that I make mistakes along the way. And why do they always seem like the end of the world? Well, in all my recent angst about what I'm supposed to be doing--or what comes next-- the Lord keeps bringing to the forefront of my mind's eye foundations and simplicity. Enjoyment of learning and learning to be "keepers". Not just keepers of "things", but keepers of ourselves in the presence of God.

My growing son is expressing himself more and is saying that Daddy is for play--and you know what comes next...Mommy is for work. Interesting, isn't it? Though Daddy is gone working all day, the time he spends in the presence of his family is play. Mommy's time--all spent in the presence of family is all spent at work. Teaching, cleaning, guiding, preparing. This is so true and so depressing! A mother's work IS never done. Though we spend quality time together reading and learning, to him it's not "play". This has really had me in a whirl as I've realized I can't really change it, but I can change the perception, (that I have no time to play) which I believe is really the issue.

Attitude, habit, character. Teaching it, exhibiting it, living it. Not easy stuff, but foundational none the less. And more importantly, Biblically principled.

I'm so much a practical soul that it's hard for me to deal with concepts alone, but I feel I must "decide" on a plan (which for me is the practical part) for times when school is not a pleasure. Or for when I'm too busy and yet my children need my presence for play.

I remember sometime way back in my 20's (way back) when I, as a growing young woman discovering herself, and realized I must never make a decision during a certain time of thee...you know. Period. Too emotional. Not a good time to be deciding things. I carried that with me into my true adulthood and it has saved me so much grief! And it has taught me that decision making can be an instrument of both good and harm.

So I'm trying to make some decisions about how to proceed with our days. I do not want to continue to look back and have even the twinkling of regret. So much has gone so well as we've schooled, that I know that it can be even more so. I don't want to put off any longer what they will not be able to recover as they grow. That truly goes for myself as well. How they perceive me does matter and will shape other relationships. I want their relational foundations at home and in Christ to be what they build on.

Now that I've decided to make some decisions, I'm on my way. I hope and pray each decision will be for profit and victory in our growth as the individuals that God has created us to be. I know that it will come little, by little, but it will come. I also know that each little bit will affect every other bit, big and little.

I'm going to start with my Bible beside my "Laying Down Rails" and pray my little heart out. Whatever discernment comes, I really hope to make those decisions, with no turning back.