Study Habits

We're suffering from a terrible condition: poor study habits. And it's starting to cause big problems and lots of anguish. I know that this is about bad habits that I have allowed and good habits that I haven't taught.

It's time to refocus on the habits we need to instill. The goals are pretty clear. I want son to be able to complete his work within a certain amount of time. I want him to be able to do this without complaining and without an attitude of "hating" school. Nothing like lofty goals!

One of the biggest causes of our strife has been distractions. Today, for instance, his sister is very sick in bed and was watching a movie. He wanted to watch to. I said no, but he positioned himself where he could "hear" and "peek". My fault. Then when I finally did move him and instructed him not to get up till it was done, I didn't follow through with a consequence when he did get up...several times. I'm not that great with consequences, especially when I DO see effort.

I watched him do practice problems for math and this is what I observed: He would put his pencil down a lot. Look around the room. Look out the window. Tip his chair back and forth. Start conversations. Join conversations. Need to go to the bathroom. Need a drink. Ask questions. Etc. At no time did he bend over his work in concentration, pencil in hand, determined to complete the work quickly and correctly.

Now, he is a boy...and wiggly, but this is actually not typical of him--except for "on his own" work time. Of course, one solution would be not to HAVE "on his own" work time, but I believe that would be counter-productive. He understands about self-governing, but something is not connecting for him. It could just be his concept of time; it's value. It could just be stressing him out when he's given more than one thing at a time to do.

I promised him today, after many tears, that this was not something that was "wrong with him"; and that it's more about me not helping him in the right way, to be able to do what he needs to do. I told him we would come up with a plan together. So that's what I'm praying for. A plan.

First off, removing distractions is a priority. And I'm going to establish places and work conditions that are unbending. Consequences will include losing privileges that come from having spare time. Times will be established to do certain things, and they will be strict. If work is not completed in that time, the consequences will again kick in. And the thing that will make this a good habit is consistency. Everyday. Without fail.

For my part, I'm going to be much more particular about what is assigned and it's value. I'll be sure and certain that he is given everything he needs to complete the work without feeling stressed by it. I hope. I want him to have the freedom to ask for help when frustrated, or even better yet, before he's frustrated! I want him to have a sense of accomplishment, and I want him to gain an understanding of his own progress as he makes it.

I know that as we begin to make good habits our own, the bad ones will slip away. No more working on a math page for 3 hours. No more of me asking, in my own frustration (and sin) "Aren't you done with that yet?!" Total replacement theory!

This should give us a good start in the right direction.