Just When You've Forgotten

I'm glad for a bit of a break today. The kids are working on their "on-your-own" lessons and I have a lot to process.

This morning a got a call from the District Attorney's office in Dallas. I lived there many, many years ago. While I was there, there was an incident. You can read my story here. Suffice it to say, I've been tracked down because the case has come up again as the perpetrator (I just used "perpetrator" in a sentence.) is coming up for parole. It's been 20 years.

Apparently, the DA is searching out all of the 18 or so victims to let them know and to stir up (oh yes, it "stirred up" alright.) interest in attending the parole hearing to keep this man in prison.

He had been convicted of serial ra*pe and assault. Multiple concurrent life sentences. He was a 29 year old Bap*tist minister--with a wife and 3 small children.

Yeah.

Ok.

Well...as you can imagine there are about a billion things going through my head. Has he been "reformed"? What kind of prisoner is he? Yuck. Will I be in danger if he gets out? Fun stuff to think about.

It has been so long and though right now it feels like yesterday, it's really not! This DA wants me to judge a man that I am in no position to judge. At one point this man proclaimed to know the Lord. Does he? Has he repented? How am I supposed to know?

According to the DA, he is a "very dangerous man" who is still young (he would be about 50) and capable of much destruction. Though his crimes did not include murder, I can't help thinking, "Don't people learn how to commit crimes in prison?" Maybe after 20 years in prison, instead of a reformed man, we have a murderer to "judge". How am I supposed to know?

They (the DA) wants (of course) 100% "participation" in the process. They are willing to pay expenses. Do I want to see this man? NO. Do I want him to see me? NNOOOO. Do I want to be anonymous and pretend it never happened and continue living my life without the memory of that event? Yes. What am I supposed to do?

I suppose in some sense I'm relieved to know that he's still in prison (I thought he might be out) and that the DA is letting us know. I was a bit surprised how easily they found me since I never left anything but my old address with them; I wasn't married, etc. Kinda dumb, I guess. Big brother IS watching, right? Uggh. And now they are sending paper work.

Words that were so conforting to me at the time are still with me. The Lord is still with me! What would the Lord have me do? I'm confident in Him as judge, not in me as judge. I can't remember his name. Isn't that weird? I remember the face...but. I can't. Remember. His name. I didn''t want to tell the DA guy that I couldn't remember his name! Now it's going to bug me and I'll have to think about it or dig up all the old paperwork so I'll know the name of the man who attacked me and has spent 20 years in prison. Great. Makes my day.

I want a hot fudge sundae. With nuts.

What am I supposed to do? Be a good little citizen and prosecute away. Been there, done that. I guess his sentence was life in prison and that's what it should be. I just keep thinking about Chuck Colson and the Prison Ministry. I keep thinking about Corrie Ten Boom's message to prisoners (a video she made sharing the Gospel with prisoners).

Guilt is no longer the issue. Second chances are the issue. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Maybe he's already received his second chance within prison. Maybe that is all irrelevant. How am I supposed to know?

Prayer. I know all I can do is pray. If you think about it, would you pray too. A little wisdom wouldn't hurt me right now.