Yes! My brain is a pile of mushy goo. I totally blame it on "February" because me and "February" don't get along too well. Some of you are planting in your yards, swimming in your "watering holes" and soaking in that very foreign "thing"--what is it? On yeah. Sunshine! I'm frozen solid, house-bound for all fun purposes, and wore out from colds, inactivity, short days, dryness. I'm not however, worn out from too much snow! Which would be a pleasant change of pace.
Instead, my head is swimming with ideas. Most of them are school and homemaker related. I'm struggling with feeling of dis-satisfaction. Mediocrity is creeping into everything and I find that so appalling and unacceptable, yet I feel like a deer in headlights. It always seems to come down to time with me, and though I'm a total believer in God as the super-natural time giver, I'm thwarted by my own inability to "rise up". As in, get my fat rear out of this chair and DO.
There are advantages to the 'ole computer. I know I don't need to make that argument here. Really, I just want to do everything--do it now--and do it well. Let's not forget...with time to spare! So much of it is in my head and I don't know how to get it out. I've tried beating my head against the wall, but I think that's what put me in this position in the first place! :)
Usually I'm really good with taking a position or an idea and running with it. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at doing just one thing at a time. All...all...alll!! I can't clean out a drawer. I have to clean out the room. I can't plan one subject. I have to plan them all. I can't do one craft project. I need one in each medium, all at once. And if I could just stop sneezing....
I'm hoping that this is my rant before the big wind which will usher me into a more productive and profitable period. As I checked off our attendance keeping on our calendar today, I noticed we haven't missed a day of school since son's accident Jan. 3rd. Maybe it's just break time. I think that there is a pattern with me--a cycle, if you will. Thankfully, it doesn't seem related to the "other" one. Then I'd truly be insane! So, I'm getting up now and I'm going to make a wonderful, yummy healthy lunch for my family and bake some bread, all while listening to Jerry Williams and Harvest. Maybe then I'll get a clue what I'm supposed to be doing.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A Pile of Mushy Goo
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4 comments:
hi melissa! thanks for being my first post! when i first came across your blog, i LOVED the meaning behind your blog title, and it sucked me in! :)
btw, i can totally relate to this post...between having a baby, surgery, mastitis, and a pinched nerve in my back, my last two months have also been mediocre and unproductive! i'm sick of being horizontal! But God is good all the time!
I have a bizillion ideas swimming in my head. All of the ideas are overwhelming...so I do nothing! BLAH! We NEEEEEEED some sunshine and warm weather! We NEEEEEEED to get out of the house more!
I put on my favorite Rich Mullins CD yesterday. That helped a bit.
I'm rambling. :-s
Dana
Mediocrity is creeping into everything and I find that so appalling and unacceptable, yet I feel like a deer in headlights.
Yes, that about sums it up for me too! Sigh! What to do. I know I need to get serious about figuring out some kind of schedule. I dread it!
Elisabeth Elliot says, "Do the next thing." Not always very helpful. :)
Hey there,
Looks like maybe I can leave comments now, yippee!! I can so relate with this post. I was just telling a good friend yesterday that I feel I've been in a state of mental confusion for months now and I'm growing tired of it. Everything feels overwhelming and I can't take it in small pieces. I keep looking for the button on me that says "GO FORWARD!"
Blessings, Melissa
www.homeschoolblogger.com/melissal89
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